A (Gentle) Note on Geek Hygiene

I love geek guys. That's not to say that my head isn't turned by the occasional golden boy jock or exotic Persian man's man, but for the most part the guys I hang out with, the guys I date, are geeks. They can discuss the difference between DC and Marvel for hours, find immediate common ground on the Evil Dead movies, and advise me on all the finer points of Magic: The Gathering strategy.

This, of course, has its ups and its downs. While it means that I spend lazy Saturdays with the Sci-Fi channel playing atrocious, so-bad-they're-still-not-good-but-damn-they're-funny movies in the background instead of being forced to watch sports or endless repetitions of the same news on MSNBC, it also means that I am responsible for dressing everyone in the house for occasions requiring anything more formal than a Thundercats T-shirt. It means that I always have someone to play Mario Kart with, but that if I want to go dancing I'm on my own. In general, though, geek guys make good boyfriends. For the most part, they tend to be caring, attentive, funny, smart guys without a lot of ego (except when it comes to their Halo achievements and Warcraft levels, of course). Which is what makes it sad that such a large percentage of them don't have girlfriends to share their geekdom with.

It's a stereotype that geeks are pasty, overweight guys with greasy hair and a certain - less than pleasant - smell. This has been referred to gently, as well as more bluntly, on numerous blogs and even the official Comic-Con website. Sadly, as a longtime veteran of Comic-Con, I can attest to the fact that it's true oftener than I'd like. Every year, thousands of geeks converge into some very small (but extremely well air-conditioned) rooms, and as you sit in those rooms, you do notice an aroma that owes less to aftershave and deodorant than it does to sweat and stale food.

So this year, I'm making a plea to all the lonely geeks out there. Comic-Con is an endurance game, and it's unrealistic to expect that you won't sweat, or that anyone has time to run back to their hotel room and brush their teeth after meals. But please, please, please. Shower every morning (and depending on your sweat glands, possibly also every night). Put on deodorant - lots of it. (You can skip the aftershave and cologne, unless you already have a favorite scent you didn't buy at the drugstore. The last thing anyone needs is two thousand geeks in Ballroom 20 all wearing Axe body spray. The panelists would all pass out.) Bring along some breath mints, and pop one every time you even think you might be less than fresh. Honestly, guys. Don't do it for me; do it for yourselves.

Let me tell you why.

Because besides being a gathering place for comic book dealers, artists, artisans, writers, actors, and Hollywood stars, Comic-Con has what is probably the largest concentration of girls who love geeks in the entire world. And many of them are hot. This is the one place where you can pick up a girl by quoting a movie based on a video game. That babe in the chainmail would probably welcome a conversation about Warcraft. The one in the ripped neon tights and purple fairy wings almost certainly knows a lot about anime. And these girls are used to geeks in their natural habitat. They understand that a brand-new Twilight Princess t-shirt with the triforce symbol picked out in gold foil contstitutes business casual for you. They're okay with that.

And they're on vacation! While Girls Gone Wild is another unflattering stereotype, it too has its grain of truth. Hot girls away from home, on vacation, do things (and people) they might not usually consider. You could be one of those things.

The bottom line is that with very minimal effort on your part, you could drastically increase your chance of finding a girl who enjoys dressing up as your favorite superheroine/elf/Star Wars character. In bed.

Think about it.